Some kid named Brandenn was a child prodigy and then killed himself at 14. If I had too many N's in my name I'd probably kill myself too. They talk about how he played piano.

Voiceover: "And Brandenn could compose."
Caption: "Mozart also composed as a child."

Brandenn's organs were donated and saved a bunch of dying children, and there's some weird aside about how his mom maybe encouraged him to donate his organs? Is that why he killed himself!? More questions than answers, my friends.

Some kind of scandal involving Mario Batali from the Food Network. An orgy at one of the restaurants he owns. According to an e-mail and not corroborated by anyone else. And which he was not involved in. But they say his name and show his picture a hundred times. Also, they show a creepy clip from his show where he holds up two stalks of celery and says "do you know what the difference between these are? One is a boy and one is a girl. And do you know which one tastes better? That's right, the girl."

NBC accidentally shoots footage they weren't supposed to at some jail and are threated with a big fine if they air it. Host Tim Green says: "Perhaps NBC should change their name to the Not Broadcasting Corporation."

After ACA ran a story about a farmer who grew a personal ad in his crop of corn that can only be read from the sky, he got responses from over 200 women and one creepy gay guy who made a bad pun about farming and pharmaceuticals.



Update on the disappearance of Olivia Netwon-John's supposed boyfriend: she failed to tell the authorities for the first 7 weeks he was missing and ACA is making a big deal about it. But apparently they can't even prove they were ever romantically involved. ACAB thinks ACA is making a mountan out of a molehill.

THE END OF LOVE

no joke thats the name of the story. don't worry love is still real, or not, depending on how bitter you happen to be. This is about Courtney Love. She does drugs.

Judge sent her to rehab. Cut to clip of the internet - tabloid story about her being pregnant. Cut to clip of british dude - "It's not my fault, you refused to wear the rubber underpants!" - This is the clip they showed introducing alleged-father of her new baby Steve Coogan, from the "Jackie Chan flop" (their words not mine) "Around the World in 80 Days"

Is the female condom still on the market? In that case you need to take responsibility for that baby Mr. Coogan.

Tim Green and lady correspondent wish her well.

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM

olivia newton-john's boyfriend of dead or alive internet poll on aca's website fame. I voted no, thankfully the rest of america is more optimistic with 77% saying yes, yes we think he's alive. I am disappointed I expected and demand more bloodlust from our A Current Affair viewing brethren.

Apparently Olivia Newton-John's boyfriend lives in the ghetto. One of his neighboors had a coors light tall boy in his hand during the interview. Creepy old lady said "YOU BETTER GET BACK HERE PATRICK!"

He disappeared from his boat 2 months ago, America, he's dead. Accept it and vote "no" on acurrentaffair.com's internet poll.

"Yet another woman caught buying drugs in Bali and facing jail time" - what, this happens often? Well, I guess it happens often, but it's actually happened more than once lately to women from western/English speaking countries, which makes it a big controversy. ACA tells us about the troubles of "the stunning brunette who models under the name Michelle Lee and recently became the face of Antz Pantz underwear". I so did not make that last part up.

More Monsignor updates: someone saw the "leggy brunette" (man, host Tim Green has a thing for brunettes) secretary sitting on the Monsignor's lap in a silk teddy. Actually, first they say she was sitting on his lap wearing a teddy, then later they say she was sitting on his lap in the hot tub. So was she wearing the teddy in the hot tub? Wouldn't it get all wet and possibly ruined? Or were there 2 seperate lap incidents? This story is not adding up.

I don't know what was up with tonight's show, but it seemed a lot like a rerun of the show F.M.C. described yesterday. There was all that stuff about Crew Member: Albert and the Monsignor's mistress's outfits (host Tim Green says she's "in hot water...and hot pants"). So I'll talk about the stuff he didn't mention.

There was a story called THE SWARMING about a girl who was ostracized by the in crowd at school, and then when she finally got invited to a party with the cool kids, she was murdered. Host Tim Green adds insult to injury by referring to her as "plump" no less than 3 times in the course of the show. Check the promo, where host Tim Green says "Rita was plump, not cool, so they killed her" in a weird stilted way that sounds either heavily edited or just poorly delivered, and also refers to a "nest of depravity and evil".

There was also a story about a family that was featured on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and then after their house was renovated, they kicked out a family that was living in the house? Or the foster kids they took in? Something like that, it was hard to follow. At the end of the segment, host Tim Green was all "two sides to every story" and was kind of in the corner of the cold-hearted bastards who kicked the kids out.

A Current Affair's favorite dead horse George Allen Smith is back!

Super-reporter Michel Bryant interviews Albert: Crew member. Yet another man the FBI has not interviewed, Albert: Crew Member, wants to stay anonymous.

So they hire an actor to speak as Albert on the phone.

Then they put him in the dark for journalistic or dramatic effect.

Ooh George and new wife were a DRINKING! They went into the disco and Albert saw them waaaasted.

An old man went and touched her "lower parts" another man her "upper parts" since she was drunk, it took her 2-3 minutes to realize these two men were not her husband.

Then she kicked George in the balls because he won 14-15,000 dollars in the ship's casino??? and goes to hang out with some other dudes??

I think Albert is making this all up, so I will no longer proliferate Albert's lies.

It took her 2-3 minutes..... count out, oh, 150 seconds... how drunk would you have to be for it to take that long to realize your new husband hasn't grown two extra arms??

Michel - The reason the FBI hasn't interviewed Albert, is because he is LYING.
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Ohh ACA finds Natalee Holloway's hand!

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Monsegnour update!!!! (thanks Al for taking note of the correct spelling) !!!! Tim Green called the woman he had sex with "LEGGY LAURA DIFLIPO", i'm tellin y'all the boy is in love!!!

UPDATE on yesterday's Monsignor Clark story: he resigned from his post today! (You might notice I spell Monsignor differently than my ACAB colleague's phonetic "Monsenior", but I'm not gonna act high and mighty, I didn't know what a Monsignor was two days ago, and I wouldn't know how to spell it correctly if they hadn't shown the word onscreen during today's show). The SHOCKING announcement STUNNED Catholics nationwide, but A Current Affair failed to find anyone in the 3 block radius surrounding their office where they conduct man-on-the-street interviews who registered any real outrage.

ANOTHER cruise ship story today, A CRIME AT SEA. A girl who got raped on a cruise ship 6 years ago, and decided to tell her story to ACA after hearing about George Smith, the guy from Tuesday’s show who left nothing behind but a bunch of bloodstains. Host Tim Green says "April," (her name was April, btw) "be strong, be well, we wish you the best."

Also, a lady who "grew up" at the Playboy Mansion and whose father was a good friend of Hef’s, and wrote a book about it. After the segment, host Tim Green kind of flinches for a second and then says "...sad...we’ll be back with more in a moment."

The teaser for tomorrow's show looks like they're filling out the rest of the week with some CAUGHT ON TAPE stock footage of bridges collapsing and car chases and stuff. I'm glad we already decided not to cover Fridays here at ACAB, it looks like ACA likes to phone it in when they're getting ready for the weekend.

SPECIAL REPORT!!! THE MONSENIOR AND THE LADY!

Scandal plagues the Catholic Church once again. sex scandal.

The victim: recent divorcy who is the secretary to the Monsenior of the Catholic Archdiosis Church of New York. There are rumors the Monsenior and the Lady are having sexual doings. Divorce is a sin, sex is a sin. Combined they form a super-sin.

The monsenior had a television show. A Current Affair tracked down some damning quotes/evidence:

He called the United States the most immoral country in the western hemisphere
He either denounced or applauded celibacy (i'm not sure it was a rather quick edit)
He has had "marvelous visions of himself"
The Gays. Hates the Gays
Gay is a disorder

So they link the marvelous visions of himself quote with the gay-baiting quote to imply he has gay masterbation sessions with himself. Icky.

Meanwhile, Host Tim Green, is in love with the secretary. He makes a point to call her attractive, pretty.

Somebody hired a P.I. and caught them going into, THE WHITE SANDS MOTEL on MONTAUK, LONG ISLAND! the P.I. hung out outside until they left and holy shit, they came out wearing DIFFERENT CLOTHES!

THE OWNER OF THE WHITE SANDS MOTEL ON MONTAUK, LONG ISLAND CONFIRMED THE MONSENIOR IS A REGULAR CLIENT! BUT HE WONT SAY WHO HE HAS BEEN THERE WAS WITH!!!!! "CONFIDENTIALITY"??? "REGULAR CLIENT"???

A CURRENT AFFAIR SUPER-REPORTER MICHEL BRYANT CONFIRMED THAT THE MONSENIOR WENT TO WORK TODAY... AND HASN'T LEFT YET.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NUTS ON THIS GUY?!?! (I have anger blackout from rage anger and pass out)

OK OK NOW they are talking about the canadian scott peterson. he killed the canadian laci peterson. canadian scott peterson is crying about it. what an act. they have another daughter. what a cold ass motherfucker. he drives a ford explorer and claims he was home at the time he killed his wife. HE ORGANIZED THE SEARCH. therefore he didn't do it right?

Wrong! Richard's Pub in Canada had surviellance video. there's canadian scott peterson's ford explorer on the road. liar liar liar liar.

ugh. "she met a violent death" are all the canadian authorities will say about the murder. canadians are considerate enough not to release details. thank god. canadian killer canadian scott peterson plans to plea not guilty.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE explosive new detail in the Beth Giesel sex sex sex scandal. oh my. the boy was expelled. and the father threatened a S-STORM if he wasn't reinstated!

Host Tim Green explains, if the allegations are true, it is repugnant because that means he went to the police with details of the affair out of retaliation and not the highest of moral standards.

Scott Skipes in California, owns lion, panther & 3 tiger. According to the correspondent Lisa or Laura or something (Tim Green tends to mumble the reporters names), I probably think to myself "who the hell does he think he is?"

She was right. Who the hell does he think he is??! lookin like a fucking burn victim on steroids, sleeping with tigers, hiring models to pretend to be Jane in public appearances, voice all retarded sounding.

Anywho Scotty got saved by a lion on the set of an european tarzan film in 1969. This inspired him to become a real life Tarzan, Scotty mourns the loss of Bobo, his 6 year old tiger who a year ago in typical LA manner got murked by the po-po's, while on the loose for 3 days.

This brought about the best scene of tonight's episode. They questioned a LA Wildlife cop why they had to shoot the tiger. He seemed geniunely confused that this needed to be justified "The.. officer... in question... felt... his.... life... was... in danger?"

At the top of today's show, host Tim Green said "hello, and welcome to the boiler room of A Current Affair". Today's stories:

- A "teacher temptress" who taught at a Christian academy and allegedly had sexual relations with 3 or 4 students. Apparently a BLOG broke the story and named names. 2 of the kids she slept with because they were blackmailing her after they found out about one of the other kids she already slept with. A Current Affair consulted professor Charol Shakeshaft (not making this up) about the psychiatry of sleeping with minors.

- A guy who disappeared on a cruise ship during his honeymoon and left nothing behind but a bunch of bloodstains.

- A profile of CHEATERS, the only syndicated show on television that's sleazier than A Current Affair. Host Tim Green says "someone's gonna get sued off of that show one day" in a voice that lets you know he speaks from experience.

- A story described in the teasers at the beginning of the show as CALENDER GIRL WARS, which turned out to be just about how more than one ex-reality show star has started their own reality show girlie calender, and the first accused the other of making hers because she was rejected for the first. Or something. I don't even know who any of them were, except for Beth from the 2nd season of the Real World, who's gross.